Good Question: How can I network authentically?

Q: “It’s been a long time since I’ve had to network because I’ve been employed for years (and I’ve had many promotions along the way, too). People tell me that networking is something that I should be doing throughout my career, even if I’m not in the market for a job, but I’ve always found it awkward.

Something about networking seems forced and fake, there’s an inherent opportunism that seems obvious and distasteful. It’s not that I haven’t attended conferences and seminars, I have. And I’ve given my card out to people and taken theirs…but there’s not usually any follow up. I’m not planning to leave my job, but I’m confident it won’t be the last job I ever have either. I’ll be looking for work again even if it’s not next month or next year.  What should I do to start networking in a way that feels honest and real?”

Elaine Kunda
Consultant, and former CEO, B5Media

Networking comes easily to Elaine; she can’t help herself from finding a common connection, enjoying the company, and always offering value.

A: There is nothing worse than being net-“worked.” It’s kind of like watching an actor who is painfully reading their lines from a teleprompter: actors are supposed to transform themselves into the character they are playing and anything less feels contrived, or as my nieces say, “awkward!” Networking comes more naturally to some, but networking naturals are few and far between. Regardless, even the blessed conversationalist and connectors work to master their craft.

I’m curious and enjoy learning about others, so people genuinely intrigue me. That is the natural part for me. But networking is more than just idle chatter—it’s about quickly finding interesting common ground and figuring out a way to leverage it. All good relationships require give and take, so you can’t expect to network for your own purposes without intending to help the other person in some capacity.

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5 Networking Tips to apply the next time you’re at an event:

• Approach a group or person with confidence and sincerity. Say hello, shake hands, introduce yourself and smile.
• Bring energy to the conversation and ensure it at least “appears” as though you want to be there. Until you are skilled, practice a few conversation openers. Ask friends or colleagues to give you input.
• Ask questions and listen. People like to talk about themselves and trust is earned from listening. Don’t hover, and if the person or group is not openly engaging you, or including you in their conversation, politely remove yourself from the situation.
• Look for common ground. Try something like, “that is very interesting, I’m working on a project in the same area and would love to tell you about it. Maybe we can grab a coffee next week? Do you have a card? I’ll give you a call to set it up.”
• Figure out if there is anything you can do for them. Everyone has something to offer, and should.

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Liane Davey
Knightsbridge Human Capital Solutions

Liane is a New York Times best-selling author on the principles of getting ahead and a regular Good Question contributor.

A: You’re not the only nervous networker. I hear this trepidation all the time. For some, it’s the discomfort of trying to make intelligent conversation with someone you don’t know. For others, it’s concern about appearing self-serving, ingenuine, or smarmy.

It’s time to change your approach to networking. My Knightsbridge colleague (and partner with Women of Influence’s Advancement Centre) Tammy Heermann describes behaviour change in three steps:

1.) Change your mindset
Get rid of the word networking if it’s getting in your way. Instead, think of it as making connections with interesting people. Override your concern about being self-interested by trying to be the first to add value. That’s a lot more palatable than thinking of it as hunting for people you can call on for favours.

2.) Build your skillset
If networking is about connecting with people so you can help each other, you need two skills: the ability to ask great questions and listen deeply to the answers. Having a few handy questions that are as versatile as your little black dress helps (ex. “What’s your connection to the host(ess)?”, “Who else do you recommend I meet while I’m here? Would you introduce me?”) Once you ask these questions, listen intently for what you can learn about the person. Then ask a follow-up to deepen the conversation. “I don’t know much about your industry. How is that trend playing out for you?” A little bit of dialogue makes it more likely that you’ll have enough context to be of assistance to the person in the future.

3.) Settle into a deliberate practice
Rather than take a business card that you’re just going to misplace, put the person’s email straight into your phone with a note about where you met and your shared interests. Follow up with a LinkedIn invitation. Then keep an eye out for one thing you can send them that might be valuable—an article from the paper, or a blog post that might be of interest.

Liane is speaking in Calgary on June 4th at the Deloitte Women of Influence Luncheon!

Click here to register.

Isabel Bassett
Canadian broadcaster and former politician

Isabel is a master networker, demonstrating warmth and depth in every conversation.

A: There is no downside to networking, and you have everything to gain—confidence, insights, alternative viewpoints and solutions, friendships and yes, opportunities. As for that icky feeling that you are being “opportunistic”—get over yourself. You also have things to contribute.

The hardest part is starting. Imagine how you feel at an event full of strangers, when someone comes up and says “Hello.” Immediately you feel relieved and welcome, right? Now be that person. Get over your fears of rejection, approach a stranger, smile, say “hello,” and introduce yourself. It’s that simple.

Not everyone will want to network, but stay positive. At any event there will be at least a few people who would enjoy and benefit from networking with you too. That’s the key to being authentic—recognizing that like any relationship, it’s a two-way street.

My advice is to pick three or four people—women and men—in your field who are senior to you, and develop business relationships with them. Research their interests so you can have a relevant question or issue to discuss. Attend events where there is an opportunity to meet people in your field. You might be tempted to chat only with people you already know, but try stepping out of your comfort zone, and make it a priority to meet new people.

You mention having exchanged lots of business cards but have had little follow up. That’s your job, and it requires initiative and patience. If someone you meet doesn’t respond to a phone call or email, don’t hound them, but don’t be discouraged either—be sure to say “hello” at the next event. Eventually you will have developed a handful of mutually rewarding relationships with people you feel comfortable with, and otherwise never would have crossed paths with.

Looking for more information about building your network? The Women of Influence Advancement Centre runs highly-targets one-day courses including “Networks that Work.” Click here to see our list of upcoming courses.