By WOI+ Editorial Team
Picture this:
You’ve just presented a new project idea to your manager. Their response?
“This isn’t going to work—you didn’t account for the timeline.”
The statement might be factual, but it shuts down the conversation. The assumption? You didn’t think it through.
Now imagine instead:
“This is a good starting point—how do you see it fitting into our timeline?”
The second response creates an entirely different dynamic. It acknowledges your effort, invites collaboration, and encourages you to share more of your thought process.
This subtle shift—from assumptive to curious feedback—transforms workplace interactions. It’s not just about what you say, but how you say it.
What Is Assumptive Feedback?
Assumptive feedback involves conclusions drawn without full context. It often feels dismissive, shutting down dialogue and collaboration. Examples include:
- “You clearly didn’t think this through.”
- “This doesn’t align with our usual processes.”
- “Your approach isn’t practical.”
These statements presume intent or lack of knowledge, often leaving the recipient defensive or disengaged.
The Case for Curious Feedback
Curious feedback replaces assumption with inquiry. Instead of focusing on flaws, it seeks to understand the reasoning behind the action or idea.
Examples of curious feedback include:
- “Can you walk me through your thought process?”
- “How does this align with our goals?”
- “What inspired you to approach it this way?”
Curiosity transforms feedback into a two-way conversation. Research indicates that feedback framed as collaborative inquiry fosters problem-solving and reduces defensiveness.
Why Assumptive Feedback Fails
Assumptive feedback isn’t just a communication misstep — it undermines trust and innovation. Harvard’s Amy Edmondson emphasizes that teams with high psychological safety—where members feel safe to share ideas without fear of judgment — are more likely to innovate.
When feedback assumes too much, it erodes psychological safety. Instead of encouraging risk-taking or creative problem-solving, it signals to employees that their ideas aren’t valued.
The Role of Tone in Feedback
Feedback isn’t just about the words—it’s about how those words land.
Tone, framing, and intent play crucial roles.
Research by Dr. Daniel Ames at Columbia Business School explores how interpersonal assertiveness and communication dynamics influence perceptions of effectiveness. Feedback that is overly critical or ambiguous often triggers defensiveness, diminishing its intended impact.
Curious feedback, on the other hand, disarms defensiveness. By framing feedback as a dialogue, it builds trust and promotes engagement.
Owning Feedback Without Apologizing
Effective feedback also requires self-awareness.
When we realize our tone or wording might have missed the mark, it’s an opportunity to adapt without unnecessary apology.
For example:
“I realize my earlier comment might have seemed dismissive. Can we revisit your approach together?”
This response acknowledges missteps without undermining authority, signalling both accountability and openness.
How to Shift from Assumptive to Curious Feedback
- Pause Before Reacting:
Reflect on whether you’re making assumptions or asking for clarity.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions:
Use prompts like:- “What led you to this approach?”
- “Can you share how this addresses past challenges?”
- Recognize Effort:
Start by acknowledging positives:- “This is a strong starting point — how can we refine it further?”
- Invite Collaboration:
Create a partnership:- “Let’s explore together how we can align this with our goals.”
The Bigger Lesson: Feedback as Connection
At its core, feedback is about connection. How we deliver our message reflects how we value others’ ideas, effort, and potential.
By shifting from assumptive to curious feedback, we create environments where dialogue thrives, trust deepens, and innovation flourishes.
The next time you’re giving feedback, ask yourself:
- Am I assuming intent, or seeking understanding?
- Am I fostering collaboration, or closing the door?
This subtle shift transforms feedback from a source of friction to a tool for growth and connection.