The Male Support System Behind Some of Our Favourite Women of Influence

The men beside some of our favourite past speakers share how they juggle caregiving and career-building, who pays the bill and what type of man best suits a woman of influence.

WHEN & HOW DID YOU MEET?

NEIL (+KATHLEEN): 1988. She was a young lawyer in my law firm, Goodmans LLP.

TIM (+BETTY): In 1987 at a nightclub in Little Rock, Arkansas, when I was in the US Air Force and she was travelling on business. She told her friends back in New York that she had just met Top Gun.

HANS (+DEBBIE): We met in 1985, and I blame it all on the CBC since Debbie picked me up at one of their parties. We were both attending a television conference in Cannes. In those days the CBC still had money and used to throw the best parties during those conventions. Debbie was there with several of her colleagues, saw me standing alone and sent her PA over to ask me to join them. I thought she looked really cute and we started talking. She then offered to get me a drink, which was a first for me and somehow really impressed me. I fell in love with Debbie head-over-heels and proposed four days later.

PAT (+CHRISTINE): At college – through my roommate.

DID YOU MARRY BEFORE OR AFTER YOUR/HER SUCCESS?

ZAIB (+KIRSTINE): We were both already well established in our careers in the industry.

HANS: We both had successful careers before meeting; Debbie as a model and producer, and me in the computer business.

NEIL: We became a couple, had two children and married after my success and during the time Kathleen’s career at Four Seasons was beginning to blossom.

PAT: We started with nothing – other than the two appliances and lawnmower that my parents bought for us.

WHOSE LAST NAME DID SHE TAKE?

TIM: Ultimately mine; but after we married, she used a hyphenated version. It didn’t last long.

PAT: Mine.

ZAIB: Kirstine’s last name is Stewart. We get enough trouble at airports with me being a Shaikh.

NEIL: Kathleen retained her maiden name, Taylor.

HANS: In Québec, married women keep their maiden names, which I consider to be actually a very civilized practice.

DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN?

TIM: Yes, two great kids. One is 17 and the other 12.

ZAIB: Yes we have two kids: 12 and 15 years old.

HANS: We have two boys who are now in their twenties.

NEIL: We have three children. Robin, age 40, from my first marriage, and two from our union: Taylor, 21, and Kevan, 18.

PAT: Three: aged 13, 23, 26.

WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO START A FAMILY?

NEIL: Kathleen’s.

ZAIB: Both.

TIM: Both.

PAT: Both of us always wanted a family.

HANS: There was never a question in our minds that we would have children. Funnily enough, we went on a date the day after we met and fantasized what it would be like to have a family.

WHO IS THE PRIMARY CAREGIVER?

NEIL: We are both primary caregivers to our two younger children, with enormous support and stability from our two fulltime nannies, Zeny and Rosie, who are sisters and who have been part of our family for 21 and 15 years, respectively.

HANS: When the children were very small, Debbie worked from home for a number of years. We always had some part-time help with cleaning and laundry, but Debbie always cooked every single family meal and looked after the boys.

TIM: I am primary, but we do have help – she has been with us for almost five years and has become part of our family.

PAT: I am the primary caregiver of our 13-year-old.

WHAT IS YOUR ROLE IN THE HOME?

TIM: Car service for the kids, prominent parent at home, and of course my office is in our home – it’s the home base of my business.

PAT: Taking care of the house, and everyone that is in it.

HANS: I look after the nuts and bolts of keeping the house running, while Debbie provides the warmth and the glue in keeping the family together. She also paints pretty well.

NEIL: My role in our home is to be an equal partner with my wife in achieving our goals of a strong loving relationship, a cohesive family unit where each member loves and respects one another, and each of us having a successful career in our chosen professional fields.

ZAIB: The only roles I play are on screen. At home, we share everything like any and all good couples. You’re already behind in the game of life if you have to take on your home life under the headings of Roles and Responsibilities. This isn’t the office.

WHOSE CAREER TAKES PRIORITY?

HANS: The family has always taken priority over everything else. Although we work closely together, we have very different jobs and responsibilities and luckily we never had to choose one career over the other.

NEIL: Kathleen’s career has taken priority as my career was well established when we met.

ZAIB: It doesn’t make sense in today’s world for either one or the other partner to dominate a relationship. The navigating back and forth of highs and quiet times means if you are both flexible, you will find a way for both to succeed.

PAT: When I was working, we supported each other’s schedules. Even though her career positions were higher than mine, she has always been there when I needed her – which was great.

TIM: We were both working hard in the early part of our careers, but when Betty was given the opportunity to move forward in her career and live internationally, I shifted careers and went into education, which gave me more time and flexibility.

WHO PAYS WHEN YOU GO OUT?

HANS: Usually me.

PAT: I do.

ZAIB: We’re in this together; there is no ‘mine’ and ‘yours.’

NEIL: Whoever has a credit card or cash with them at the moment.

TIM: Come on… she works for MasterCard. It’s usually a 15-minute experience wherever we go!

WHO IS THE BREADWINNER?

HANS: We both are.

NEIL: Both; I fully support the adage of ‘equal pay for equal work.’

TIM: Betty.

PAT: She is.

ZAIB: Kirstine makes the bread, I make the naan, and as far as we’re concerned, we both ‘win’ and eat well together.

WHAT TYPE OF MAN BEST SUITS A WOMAN OF INFLUENCE?

TIM: Someone who is flexible, who at times knows how to be introduced as ‘Betty’s husband.’ A man who is comfortable and confident in his own skin.

PAT: I am not sure there needs to be a distinction. Perhaps this is a question for the women…

ZAIB: Kirstine has said it takes a brave man; I say it takes a real man. There’s a lot of boys out there.

NEIL: A strong-willed, successful man who is committed to assisting the woman in his life in fulfilling her priorities and therefore achieving success in all aspects of her life.

HANS: I like to use analogies: a relationship with a woman of influence is like a freight train, and the man in that relationship needs to be a locomotive sometimes, and at other times be content to be the freight-car.