“When the going gets tough…”: A Father’s Advice

And other advice on how a father can influence his daughter’s chance for success and happiness in work and life.

Story for Argyle Magazine, a Luxury Men’s Quarterly Magazine

When men become fathers to baby girls it often shifts their perspective. They may find themselves considering, for the first time, that there just might be a gender bias in the workforce. You may begin to hear the statistics – that women still earn less than their male counterparts – and you may look around at your own board and see how few women there are, and how hard they had to work to get there.

So, what does it mean when you have one of your own? And how can you teach her to learn from your experiences and success? How can you influence her to be a leader too? Simply put, girls require different nurturing to reach their capacity as adults compared to what boys need growing up. This can be different than what might come more naturally to you as a man, but it’s a very special relationship. So if you do have a daughter, and wonder what your role is in shaping her, and are thinking about how and when to make your mark, consider this:

Give her the tools to be spiritually and financially independent.

Teach her how to ride a bike; then let her go. Challenge your daughter to think and act on her own, so when she has to branch out, she is confident. Ask her tough questions. Involve her in your business issues. If anything, the perspective of a seven-year-old can be amusing, if not cause you to evaluate new options. Show her how to be resourceful, make money, and find things that fulfill her, from the lemonade stand and beyond.

Choose your moments.

As leading business professionals, the amount of time you likely have for developing a bond with your infant, toddler or teenage daughter is small. Then there’s the challenge of being able to relate to what they’re thinking!

You’re out there making sure there’s a roof over your family’s head, and an Ivey League education in your children’s future, regular family vacations abroad and maybe (just maybe) a Porsche for you.

If you’re lucky to have found a partner who has the time to put in and who appreciates how hard you work – including the long boozy nights at the club – here’s the deal: just pick your moment to connect with your daughter, and make it count. It could be monthly dinners in your favourite spot. It could be an annual weekend away (skiing in Aspen always worked for me). Create a ritual she can hold on to, knowing if you’re not there all the time, that’s no big deal, because she knows you’re there, she has a window into who you are and begins to appreciate you too. The key is to be entirely present when you are with her. She wants to know you.

If you don’t believe me, look in her eyes. She’ll know if your mind is elsewhere. Bringing her into the fold is the best gift.

And finally, lead by example.

If you want your daughter to act with integrity, with confidence, logically and intelligently, this means you have to act that way too.

Let’s be honest, if she sees your naughty behaviour (and yes, she can see you), she’s going to learn from that. The best thing you can do in this situation is to share your thought process – within reason of course. You’re still the father after all. Consider if you would want the same for her.

At the end of the day, be there when she’s ready for you. It took my father 27 years to play a role in my life and development. That’s just what it took. Leading up to that I got rare but impactful windows into who he was, and when I was ready for his leadership, it was there in abundance.

I got some great – albeit tough – lessons along the way, and I’m better equipped and confident for each chosen moment. One of his more frequently used sayings was, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” And that lesson I take with me, even when he’s not there. It challenges me to strive for more no matter what discipline, exactly what he would have encouraged me to do if he were standing right beside me.

In the end, the best we can all strive for is to grow to contribute to the development of society. Give your daughter something she can hold on to when you’re not around. You’ll help her see the footsteps you’ve laid out for her to follow, and she’ll just run on by them.

How did your father influence your career?  Start the discussion today…