Truths for Our Daughters

By Joan Solotar via Harvard Business Review
May 10, 2013

 
As a senior professional in financial services — an industry with comparatively few women in the executive ranks — I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why there aren’t more women at the top-most levels of companies.

I’ve read the studies and heard the theories that women don’t network well; don’t have the “vision thing”; communicate too passively; don’t ask for bigger jobs and the top clients; and have fewer sponsors who are willing to use political capital to advocate for them the way they do for their male colleagues. There’s a lot of agreement and repetition when talking about the problem. It’s when discussing solutions that things get quieter.

As a mother watching her 18-year old college freshman daughter contemplate her summer job options and future career, I want her to be exposed to success stories — not to what women lack or haven’t done or can’t do — because I know these successes exist and we need to share more of them. If young women everywhere went into the workforce steeped not only in the message that “you can’t have it all” and inundated not only with data on the lack of senior women, but armed instead with all the accumulated advice and wisdom of experienced women who have thrived in and enjoyed their careers, then they — and the organizations they’re joining — would be much better served.

Here is the advice I’ll give my daughter — and all young women like her eagerly anticipating building a career — as she starts to make decisions about her life. These are some truths that I know now, twenty-plus years into my career, but wish someone had told me earlier. And though I didn’t always follow these guidelines, my career has been more successful — and I got to where I am today — because of them. Maybe my daughter will embody these early on and be ahead of the game.

• Be confident. I’ve watched you approach multivariable calculus class this semester with coolness and calm. Bring that spirit into the workforce with you. (For the record: I can’t think of a single thing I’ve done in my entire career that approaches the complexity of multivariable calculus).
• You don’t need to “know it all” on day one. And neither does anyone else, including that very confident-sounding guy in the cube next to you. Even CEOs ask questions.
• Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It took me about a decade, if not longer, to figure this one out. It’s easy to hold yourself back by thinking there is someone else out there who is more talented, more experienced, more skilled.
• You won’t grow in your career if you won’t venture beyond what you already are comfortable doing. You have no idea where your career will lead you longer-term so think of it in smaller, manageable stages.
• Opportunities will come along. Be fearless, take them, and don’t worry so much about what’s next.
• Speak twice as loudly as you think you need to. I really wish someone had said this to me before my first presentation in a corporate boardroom — when someone actually asked me to “speak up”.
• Be prepared. Practice. Know the numbers inside and out. Great business judgment develops with time, but even on day one, you can have the facts — and this is powerful.
• Find that person who believes in you — and then listen to them, even if you don’t like what they’re saying. You will look back and be thankful that you did.
• Draw lines in the sand. Know what it is you absolutely won’t give up and stick to it. No one will thank you for not having a life outside of work, never taking vacation. The most successful people I know weave their lives and work together throughout the week. This gives them both career longevity and life fulfillment.
• You will frequently feel like you are not giving your 100% best anywhere — either at home, at work, with friends, with other outside interests. I feel like this all the time — and it’s okay. High achievers always strive to do more at work, with family and friends, with your other outside commitments and interest.
• Pay it forward and good things happen. Take the call or the meeting request when friends and colleagues reach out for business or career advice and connect them with others who may be helpful. They will remember and it’s an easy and genuine way to expand your network.
• Be ready — for anything.

It’s time for us to change the narrative of why there aren’t more women at the top. Can we simply whip up a “how to” and change the trends we all see? Likely not — because there is no Secret Formula X for success. We each bring a varying mix of talents, ideas and experience to the equation, as well as differing life circumstances. That’s why we need to start sharing our success stories, instead of focusing on all the reasons why women opt out or don’t live up to their potential in the workforce. On this Mother’s Day, share your story with someone who needs to hear it.